ultrasupergenius’ journal

My Day Dreamer

Originally uploaded by mudkat.

So funny. Just had to share.

Anyone who hasn’t challenged God to reveal himself in some way or another is really missing out. “God, if you really exist, then you have to…” blah blah blah. Variations upon that phrase have likely been spoken in every language that has existed throughout time. The concept of God is an old one, and the concept of challenging God to prove himself is probably about 5 minutes younger than the concept of God itself.

One of my more entertaining challenges occurred when I was fishing on a jetty on the Jersey Shore. I had never seen any fishermen fishing there in the past, which was a good sign that it wasn’t a good fishing spot. After about an hour with narry a nibble, I threw down the Gauntlet. “You have 10 casts to prove yourself… if I don’t catch a fish within 10 casts - there is no God.” The first couple of casts I was somewhat anxious with anticipation. Nothing. The next several casts I was my typical cocky self. As the remaining casts got fewer in number, I got downright “taunty”. By the last cast, I was talking enough smack to get ex-communicated (assuming that I had been in communication in the first place). Reeling in the very last portion of the very last cast, I caught one of the ugliest little fish that you have ever seen… it was small enough that there was absolutely no satisfaction in the process of reeling it in. Seaweed would have produced more drag. It was also all of five feet from where I was standing, so the “fight” with the fish was probably about twelve seconds, ten of which I was unaware that I was engaged in a fight. Even worse, the poor fish had not swum up and taken a bite out of my lure - rather, the hook had snagged the fish in his fin while he swam by. God had found a way to give me exactly what I asked for, in a manner that was so completely devoid of any satisfaction whatsoever, I would have been better served to have not gotten my wish afterall.

Looking back on the situation - I wasn’t engaged in a soul-searching, deeply seeded need for an answer to the eternal question of whether or not God existed. I wasn’t questioning my faith, or revolting against the injustices of the world in which we live, or even seeking some insight into the nature of existence. I honestly did not care about any of that, at that specific moment. I just wanted the excitement of fighting a fish into shore. I wanted to stand on that Jetty proud of the catch that I had pulled in. I wanted to strut down the beach with a 20lb stripped bass and be the envy of all whom I passed. My challenge was offered merely because it was the only way to get what I wanted. I had to manipulate God to get him to manipulate my environment so that I could catch that fish. Of course I did not get what I wanted in the end. But I did get exactly what I demanded. I caught a fish. Great. God exists. Great. Whatever.

I suppose the outcome could have been worse. A less intelligent and more aggressive God would likely have smote me with a freakish wave or gobbled me up in a big fish for my obstinance. Or perhaps a plague of seagulls would have swooped down from the heavens just long enough to defile my car. Instead, he toyed with me. I got what I deserved, and he got a laugh. Good stuff. The same can’t be said for a visitor to a Russian zoo in Kiev.

KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal’s enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

“The man shouted ‘God will save me, if he exists’, lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions,” the official said.

“A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery.”

The incident, Sunday evening when the zoo was packed with visitors, was the first of its kind at the attraction. Lions and tigers are kept in an “animal island” protected by thick concrete blocks.

The story was covered somewhat quietly by Reuters oddly enough, the Washington Post, and by the MosNews.

Sometimes, God doesn’t make the fish swim by just when they need to, or keep the lions satiated and happy. Sometimes God lets fishermen go emptyhanded, and sometimes God lets people get eaten by lions. What a crazy God. And what a stupid guy.