ultrasupergenius’ journal

I figured out how to make great tasting omlettes. Really really great tasting omlettes. Like so darn good you think “damn I wish I could have all those other omlettes that I had before back, and replace them with this kinda omlette” omlettes. Mmmm… Damn I wish I could have them back omlettes. Those are my favorite omlettes.

Wow. Brazil is big.

Those are the reported words of our President, upon being shown a map of Brazil by Brazil’s President, Vincente Fox.

At some point on his trip to South America, someone should have shown Bush a map. Somone should be there to explain some basic information to this flaming idiot. I still have no idea how he was elected once, let alone twice… but far more disturbing to me is the fact that once in office, no steps are being taken to educate this imbecile. He should be getting little briefings about which countries are where, who are the friends and who are the foes (evildoers), and perhaps a little primer in diplomacy.

That being said - I think I have come across a fantastic idea for the next presidential election. One that will truly help the American people to make an educated choice of who the next President of this country will be. Debates don’t tell us a heck of a lot - they are mainly a gauge of general Charisma and public speaking skills. They don’t convey any real information about the persons debating - and and there is no clear winner. And they are really really dull. We need a better solution. Something that is not so dry and dull and borring - not so darn predictable, that will actually provide some insight into the person up for election, and most importantly one that a wide audience will tune in and watch.
What could possibly fix the broken debate system and compell the American people to become inspired by, if not involved with, the election of thier future President? My solution is as follows: one of the “Debates” be hosted by Alex Tribec, and the format changed into “Stuff that the President Should Know - Jeopardy”.
Yes. You see the beauty of it. It would be the single greatest presidential campaign event ever. The ratings would be through the roof. The candidates would be charming, and yet could not double speak or sound bite their way through the thing. In the end, you either knew who the President of Brazil was, or you didn’t. I should take this time to mention that anyone who knew Vincente Fox was the President of Mexico, not Brazil (as mentioned in the quote above) gets massive bonus points. Even more if you knew the name of the actual president of Brazil (Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva). See? It is fun. Everyone could get into the game. It would INSPIRE the American people to celebrate intellegence over ignorance. It would be the best thing to happen to American Politics since the revolution. I am not claiming that the Democrats and Republicans would hold Jeopardy tournaments to determine who their candidates would be… but I am stating that the overall intelligence of each potential candidate would come into play leading up to the Jeopardy competition - and would no doubt influence the choice of candidates. And just think about how much we would learn about the candidates themselves. It would be great.

You are surely aware that Autumn started several days or weeks or something ago, just like I am. You may not be aware, however, that the official start of Autumn is not the official start of Fall. The two are quite different, though not at all dissimiliar - and could easily be confused for one another. Autumn and Fall are the Polygons of the Seasons. Autumn is a simple and predictable shape that is governed by rules. The exact moment that Autumn begins and ends is determined for all years to come, and all years which have past. Fall is quite a different shape altogether - as it is governed not by rules, but by a vast number of more intangible aspects. It is a crispness to the air, an intensity to the wind, a color value to the light, a hue to the leaves on the trees, the sound of birds flocking and leaves rustling, acorns underfoot and squirels in a tissy, and an overall subdued energy that seems to saturate the world around us. Or perhaps I should say that it saturates the world around ME. Because that is what this blog entry is about afterall… Me. I have decided to declare myself the Official Declarer of the Official Start of Fall. Nobody else has been doing it - so it is now officially my sole responsibility. I am sure that you will all agree that I nailed it this year - that today is the day, and that no one is better suited for declaring when Fall happens based simply on my status as an ultrasupergenius. All the rest of you can fight over the official start of whatever nicknames the other seasons may have. Fall is mine. Mine all mine. And it started today.

A 9 year old trick or treater that visited my condo last night piqued my interest with his question. “And how old are you?” he asked - phrasing it as though we had been engaged in a conversation about everyone’s ages for quite some time. I can only assume that the conversation about age had been ongoing throughout his many trips to various doors - and he was in the process of formulating some pretty impressive formulas relating to the age of the candy-giver as compared to candy they are giving out. I wish I could see his data, review his hypothesis, and read his final report. But then again, maybe he is just a nine-year old kid who says the first thing that comes to mind. Could have just as easily been “I like candy”. Who knows. Interesting question though.
I overheard an asian woman in the grocery store asking a disinterested shelf stocker “Where do you keep toast?”. What a question. How do you explain to that woman that you can’t BUY toast — it is one of the only things in this consumer culture that has to be made fresh at home. And why is it that toast has to be homemade? We have an entire fleet of appliances dedicated to the production of this staple of the american diet… and yet you can’t buy toast in the store. It Has to be homemade. Why hasn’t some company come up with toast as a product, “with that straight from the toaster homemade taste”. I suppose in part it is due to the fact that you would probably need to get it frozen, and then stick it in the toaster to heat it up… which seems to be a vaild reason not to send it to market. Even still, America won’t seem as american as possible until we have the ability to buy “Toaster Toast - with that straight from the toaster homemade toast taste”.